LOONEY TUNES

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Kelsey Shaye Whiting

and the Looney Tunes are off to see the Wizard

Love from,

Mother and Daddy

April 4, 2003

Kelsey Shaye Whiting, age 3, of Midland, Texas, had spent the afternoon searching for her favorite photo, the one with Garrett, Tevin, and Ty. But she couldn’t find it anywhere. Kelsey slumped into a chair to watch TV. On the screen, Daffy Duck was being blasted with tennis balls. “This should be funny,” she said.

Suddenly, the lampshade next to Kelsey began to shake. Papers and magazines swirled around the room.

“It’s a twister!” Kelsey yelled. “Right here in Midland, Texas!”

Kelsey watched with amazement as everything spun around the room. Then, as quickly as it started, it stopped. Standing right in front of her were Daffy Duck, Taz, Sylvester, Tweety, and Porky Pig!

“How did you guys get here?” Kelsey asked. “And where’s Bugs Bunny?”

“Bugs Bunny?” Daffy sniffed. “Who needs that rabbit to be fun? What I need is a colossal, big-budget movie to make all my fans happy.”

“Eeeebagarametzvommsemkalabaz!” shrieked Taz. Then he took a bit of Daffy’s tennis racket.

“I n-n-need a p-pair of p-p-pa-p-pa, eh, trousers,” said Porky.

“Hmm….I never even noticed,” said Sylvester. “A pig without pants. I could use some decent cat toys. I’m sick of getting beaten up every time I chase this canary.”

“And I want some peace and twiet,” said Tweety. “No more bad ol’ puddy tats”.

“But who can grant those kinds of wishes?” Kelsey asked.

“The Wizard!” they all shouted. “The Wizard of Oddballs!”

“Then let’s go find him,” Kelsey said.

“Which way do we go?” Kelsey asked. They all looked around for a minute.

“I don’t see any yellow brick road,” said Sylvester.

“Not in this town,” Kelsey answered. “Why not just follow the white-striped road?”

“Smart kid,” Daffy slurped. “I was just about to suggest that.”

Kelsey and her friends walked down the sidewalk for a very long time. After a while, the neighborhood began to look more and more like a desert, with a long highway down the middle of it. Then something zipped by! “Beep-Beep!” it said, screeching to a halt.

“Road Runner!” cried Kelsey. They heard a whistling noise growing louder and louder in the air, like a bomb falling “Duck!” Kelsey hollered. Everyone but Daffy ducked.

“Yes?” Daffy answered, just as he was clobbered – by a falling coyote. Wile E. Coyote, to be exact.

“Boy, I bet that hurt,” Kelsey said, just as a huge boulder came down WHAM! on top of Wile E. and Daffy.

“Just a scratch,” Daffy said woozily, as he crawled out from under the big rock. “Which way’s to the Wizard?”

Just then, Wile E’s hand popped out from under the boulder. A sign read, “Follow him.”

“Beep-Beep” Road Runner said, then disappeared in a puff of smoke down the highway.

“That way,” said Kelsey, as she led her friends down the road.

Suddenly the road ended, and Kelsey and her friends found that they were standing in a field of poppies. “Well, no big movie scripts here,” complained Daffy.

“No cat toys, either”.

“These fl-fl-fl-, er, poppies d-d-don’t look l-like they’d m-make very g-good pants,” Porky said.

Taz sniffed the air.

“This is very curious,” Kelsey said, looking around. “I think we’re lost.”

“That’s right, my pretties,” cackled Witch Hazel in her castle far away. Witch Hazel was watching Kelsey and the others in a crystal ball. “The poppies will make you very sleepy! Sleep….Sleep!”

“I f-f-feel sleepy,” said Porky.

“I could use a little cat nap myself,” Sylvester added.

“Don’t sleep!” Kelsey cried. “I’ve seen this before. It’s a trick!”

Just as everyone was starting to fall asleep, Taz began spinning around in the flowers, throwing the petals everywhere. “Eeeeeglamasprapftzapapfiliptz!”

“AAAAAA-CHOOOO!” sneezed Daffy. Then Porky sneezed.

“SNAAAGAAZPFTZ!” went Taz.

“Ah-too!” went Tweety.

“Curses!” yelled Witch Hazel. “Flowers don’t make them sleepy. They’ve all got hay fever! What a world…what a world…”

Kelsey grabbed Taz’s hand, and the others held on as they sneezed and sniffled and then swirled like a giant charm bracelet through the field.

At the top of a hill, Kelsey shouted. “Look!” She pointed to a beautiful castle with tall towers lined with gold.

“Well, at least the Wizard of Oddballs is well-connected,” Daffy said.

“That’s not the Wizard’s house,” Kelsey corrected him. “That is, she said, pointing to a tiny barn next to the castle.

“Sufferin’ succotash,” Sylvester wailed. “The Wizard lives in a garage!”

Kelsey and the gang slowly and very nervously entered the barn. Inside, they saw a huge contraption that rattled and gleeped and spat electric bolts.

“Yes???” a loud, annoyed voice echoed. Everyone hit the deck.

“Uh, your wizardship, sir,” said Daffy. “I am looking for a perfect script that will make me the world’s biggest star. That’s all.

“SILENCE!” the voice howled. “AND YOU, PIG?”

“Some p-p-p-p-pants, Mr. W-W-Wizard,” said Porky.

“I’d like a small barn full of toys,” squeaked Sylvester.

“Some peace and twiet for me,” added Tweety.

“GO BACK HOME, AND YOU WILL HAVE YOUR WISHES. EXCEPT FOR THE DUCK!”

“Sir?” asked Daffy in a teeny-tiny voice.

“BIG WISHES REQUIRE BIG DEEDS. SWEEP THE ROAD ALL THE WAY HOME. IT’S A MESS! AND MAKE SURE TO RAKE UP ALL THE LEAVES FROM THE FUNNY FOREST!”

“Anything you say,” Daffy said. “I don’t remember gardening as the price for stardom,” he complained.

“AND YOU, YOUNG LADY?” the Wizard shouted at Kelsey.

“I’m here to help my friends, who’ve always made me laugh,” Kelsey said. “I just want to go home.”

“CLAP YOUR HANDS THREE TIMES AND SAY, ‘THAT’S ALL FOLKS’ AND YOU SHALL HAVE YOUR WISH!”

Kelsey did just what the Wizard said, and again, everything began to swirl. Only this time, Taz was standing still. “Taz nervous,” he gulped.

Straw and leaves and papers and chairs and horseshoes flew around and around like a tornado. Kelsey and her friends began to rise off the ground and spin in the middle of the commotion. She closed her eyes.

“Aergazalabliyaaaasptz!” growled Taz, but his voice was lost in the wind.

When Kelsey opened her eyes, she was in her living room, sitting in the big chair. “Was I sleeping?” she wondered.

Flickering on the TV screen was the inside of the barn. She watched as Tweety pulled open a curtain, which revealed a figure sitting at a huge control panel. It was none other than Bugs Bunny!

“Eh, what’s up, Kelsey?” Bugs said from the TV. “Thanks for the help.”

“You were the wizard?” asked Kelsey.

“Yeah – ain’t I a stinker?” Bugs said with a chuckle. “Daffy was overdue for a lesson. Hope I didn’t put ya out too much. Let’s do it again sometime. Oh, and I sent ya a souvenir.”

On the floor, beside the TV set, was the lost picture she had been looking for – a picture of Garrett, Tevin, and Ty, and in the background were Daffy, Sylvester, Tweety, Porky, Taz, and Bugs himself!

Kelsey smiled and fell back to sleep.

The End